wear your heart upon your sleeve (?)

… whatever that means. 

I’m writing this entry because I’ve decided that I’ve made my own meaning and peace with this particular cliche. 

To wear your heart upon yourself surely means to leave it out for the world to see; where the crows can pick at it and where people can laugh at its fullness or, contrarily, it’s small promise. But at the end of the day, who is anyone else to stare? 

 

Don’t do things unless they are you. 

If you find yourself in a situation where some interior part of you (your mind, logic or heart) are screaming at you, “Why are you doing this?” then listen. And answer. If you’re doing it because YOU want to do it, then by all means – proceed. But why would this voice be piercing you from every angle if that were true? And if you’re doing it to spite someone else or to prove a point or to make believe that things are fine; then don’t. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. 

Don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel. I don’t mean big overrated professions of love with a flashmob and Facebook stati; because let’s be honest, that’s just going to put most people right off you. 

All I mean is don’t be afraid to show someone you care, even if the most creative way you can do this is by telling them simply, “I care.” It means a lot. Really. 

 

On a personal and completely uncritical note; I don’t want to become like my Mum. In one particular way, that is! There are SO many ways that I aspire to become like that beautiful woman, but not in the way that I am about to explain. Sometimes my step-dad talks to me about my Mum, and how he’s worried about her;

 – She’s so un-affectionate 

- She doesn’t know how to accept that someone loves her 

- She has no idea how beautiful she is 

- She can be quite distant as a partner, through no fault of her own. It just seems as though she shuts herself behind a wall. 

 

My Mum is too afraid to get too close to people because someone pushed her away so callously nineteen years ago. In fact I don’t think he even pusher her away; I think he just turned in the opposite direction and walked until her cries were over the hill and far away. Either way, the way she treats people is directly influenced by the way she was treated. I don’t want to end up like that; putting myself behind walls because I have been hurt. 

Because everyone has been hurt, to some extent. I just don’t want to turn cold because of it. So I’m making a conscious choice not to – it’s really difficult at times, but I recommend it. 

If you want someone to know how you’re feeling, tell them. Don’t not tell them because you don’t want to come across as weak.

Be unapologetic for the person you are. Because there is only one person that is as you are, and it’s you my friend.